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Anathema

August 14, 2010
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By CK Garabed


Hey Turk!


Did you think you disposed of me?
That your conscience was clear because you erased your memory?
That you could wash your mind of its historic bloody stains?
Did you think you could eradicate my name
as you did the inscriptions on the old stone churches in your  midst?
Did you think you could teach your children lies
and then have them repeat your words and make them sound
like truths because they came out of the mouths of babes?
Did you think Time would heal your self-inflicted wounds?
That your sins would not be visited upon your sons?
Did you really think that by ignoring me
you could stop me from gnawing away at your vitals?
Did you really believe that you could sleep the sleep of the just?


Ha!


I creep into your dreams at night.
I make you shudder in the dark.
I inflame your guilt by magnitudes.
I send a shiver down your spine.
I show you pictures of your deeds:
BUTCHERY AND MORTIFICATION.


You called me “Kardash;” therefore I trusted you.
We lived together, side by side.
I shared my ancient and historic homeland with you.
I tilled the soil for both of us.
I fashioned handicrafts for our mutual use.
I infused your language and song with grace and finesse.
I told myself that Christian love would bridge the gap between our 
worlds.
I upheld the laws of the land.
I fought in your army as a trustworthy subject.
Too late did I discover your treachery.


History required that I play Abel to your Cain.
But Abel's story can be read and acknowledged.
Not so with me.
I must live with a truth that goes untrusted, unbelieved.
Only I can be found telling the story
and therefore am vilified for being self-serving.


“They say” I hate you.
But my role is to point the accusing finger at your hatred of me.
And your hatred is like a sickness that grows with self-awareness.
As you strive to be equal with the civilized world,
you repress more and more that which you cannot face.
And the sickness continues to grow.
Your aberrations will not cease.
They will haunt you to spiritual death.
And my curse will be upon you and your children.
Never to be released.
Damnation of the spirit is your rightful inheritance.
And then will my revenge be complete.


THE ARMENIAN


C.K. Garabed has been active in the Armenian Church and Armenian community organizations all his life.  He has lectured on various subjects in a number of Armenian church and community groups. As a writer and editor, he has been a keen observer of, and outspoken commentator on, political and social matters affecting Armenian Americans. He is a regular contributor to the “Armenian Weekly”, “Armenian Reporter International” and the AGBU Literary Quarterly “Ararat”.


He produces a weekly column called “Uncle Garabed's Notebook”, in which he presents an assortment of tales, anecdotes, poems, riddles and trivia of interest to Armenian American readers.


First appreaded in Groong. Published in Azad-Hye with permission.






ANATHEMA translated to French by Louise Kiffer-Sarian


ANATHEME


par C.K. Garabed
(Ce texte a ?t? ?crit en 1978)


H? Turc ! Tu croyais te d?barrasser de moi ?
Que ta conscience ?tait tranquille parce que tu avais effac? ta m?moire ?
Que tu pouvais laver ton esprit de ses taches de sang historiques ?
Pensais-tu pouvoir ?radiquer mon nom
Comme tu l'as fait avec les inscriptions sur les vieilles pierres d'?glises de ton milieu ?
Pensais-tu pouvoir enseigner des mensonges ? tes enfants
Et qu'ils dussent r?p?ter tes paroles et les faire sonner
Comme des v?rit?s parce qu'elles ?taient sorties de la bouche des petits-enfants ?
Pensais-tu que le Temps allait adoucir tes blessures auto-destructrices
Que tes p?ch?s n'allaient pas retomber sur tes fils ?
Pensais-tu vraiment qu'en m'ignorant
Tu pourrais m'emp?cher de ronger ta force vitale ?
Croyais-tu vraiment pouvoir dormir du sommeil du juste ?


Ha!
Je rampe dans tes songes la nuit.
Je te fais frissonner dans l'obscurit?.
J'enflamme ta culpabilit? par son ampleur.
J'envoie un tremblement le long de ta colonne vert?brale.
Je te montre les images de tes actions;
BOUCHERIE ET MORTIFICATION.


Tu m'appelais “fr?re” ; alors j'avais confiance en toi.
Nous vivions ensemble, c?te ? c?te.
Je partageais avec toi ma patrie ancienne et historique.
Je labourais la terre pour nous deux.
Je fabriquais des objets artisanaux pour notre usage mutuel.
J'insufflais gr?ce et finesse dans ta langue et ton chant.
Je me disais que
l'amour chr?tien serait un pont au-dessus
du foss? entre nos deux mondes.
Je respectais les lois du pays.
J'ai lutt? dans ton arm?e comme un sujet digne de confiance.
J'ai d?couvert trop tard ta tra?trise.


L'histoire exigeait que je joue Abel et toi Ca?n.
Mais l'histoire d'Abel peut ?tre lue et reconnue.
Pas avec moi.
Je dois vivre avec une v?rit? ni soutenue, ni crue.
On peut seulement me trouver en train de raconter l'histoire,
et alors on me calomnie, disant que je sers mes int?r?ts.


“Ils disent” que je te hais.
Mais mon r?le est de pointer un doigt accusateur de ta haine envers moi.
Et ta haine est comme une maladie qui s'aggrave avec la conscience de soi.
Comme tu luttes pour ?galer le monde civilis?,
Tu refoules de plus en plus ce que tu ne peux pas affronter.
Et la maladie continue ? s'aggraver.
Tes aberrations ne cesseront pas.
Elles te hanteront jusqu'? la mort spirituelle.
Et ma mal?diction sera sur toi et sur tes enfants,
Jamais rel?ch?e.
La damnation de l'esprit est ton juste h?ritage.
Et alors ma revanche sera compl?te.'


L'ARMENIEN


C.K.Garabed a servi l'Eglise arm?nienne et les organisations de la communaut? arm?nienne toute sa vie. Il a fait des conf?rences sur divers sujets ? l'?glise arm?nienne et ? des groupes arm?niens. En tant qu'?crivain et ?ditorialiste, il a ?t? un vif observateur, et un commentateur franc des affaires politiques et sociales relatives aux Arm?no-Am?ricains. Il contribue r?guli?rement ? “Armenian Weekly”, Armenian Reporter International” et ? la publication trimestrielle litt?raire de l'UGAB “Ararat”


Il est l'auteur d'un article hebdomadaire appel? :”Uncle Garabed's Note book” dans lequel il pr?sente un assortiment de contes, d'anecdotes, de po?mes et de d?tails int?ressant les lecteurs arm?no-am?ricains.


 

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